To lead through this, you need one essential skill: managing your inner state.That means:
- Being aware of your thoughts and assumptions
- Regulating emotions
- Controlling impulses
It allows you to:
- Think before reacting
- Analyse situations thoughtfully
- Decide with clarity
- Be a role model
- Support others as they navigate change
It doesn’t stop at work
Many legal leaders tell me:
“I mostly manage to stay composed at work. But at home, I struggle.”
They notice themselves:
- zoning out at dinner
- snapping at their kids
- half-listening to their partner
In those moments, one simple question can make all the difference:
“Am I being the person I want to be right now?”
It takes just three seconds — but it can reset your whole approach.
It brings your focus back — not to performance, but to presence.
A split-second that changes everything
This question comes from Dr. Carol Kauffman, explored in her book
Real-Time Leadership — a practical, science-based resource I often recommend.
It reminds us: leadership isn’t something you switch on at work.
It shows in the habits we build — in how we enter the room, any room, in any moment.
Before you...
- reach for the meeting-room door
- click “Join” on your Teams call
- step into your child’s playroom
Take a breath and ask:
Who do I want to be right now?
Not tomorrow.
Not next year.
Now.
This is where real-time leadership lives.
Curious to dive deeper?
- Carol Kauffman (2021). The Split-Second Question That Can Change Your Life. Inc.com, Jan 4, 2021.
- Tan, N., Peters, E. K. & Reb, J. (2023). Effects of a Mindfulness-Based Leadership Training on Leadership Behavior and Effectiveness, Mindfulness, 14(9), 2181–2194.
- Ayoko, O. B. (2023). Mindfulness, Emotions and Leadership, Journal of Management & Organization, 29(3), 401–405.
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